Birthday guidelines

I am a big fan of birthdays, my own of course and other peoples. I believe there are some simple guidelines for peoples birthdays.

1. You absolutely cannot gain weight off of any of the food or booze that is consumed on your birthday. It is your god given right to eat like a skinny Japanese man at Nathans on your b-day.

2. You have to wear a new outfit on your birthday (God gave you a new outfit on your original birthday and your parents gave you new uncomfortable patent leather shoes on your first birthday, you have to keep the tradition going)
2a. Your outfit should be a really ridiculous dress (ie my green 80's prom dress inspired frock from my 26th b-day)if your a girl or something dapper if you're a boy

3. You have to drink Champagne; its makes you feel classy, fabulous and beautiful which you are on you're birthday.

4. You should not pay for anything on your birthday ( I mean nothing, not even your morning cup of coffee) The people around you should be paying you to be in your presence on your very special day
5. After the age of twenty you dont really need real presents from your friends ( it is nice dont get me wrong) But you absolutely need liquor from your friends in the form of a bottle or being taken out for drinks

6. Cake. You must eat some type of cake on your birthday (preferably red velvet cupcakes) You may also substitute a cup of Pinkberry, but there has to be some kind of sweet consumed on your birthday.

I know most list contain ten rules but mine is only six to coincide with the date of my birth which is the most important date on the calendar in December ( sorry Jay-Z, Britney Spears and dare I say Jesus, who might have actually been born in another month). Next birthday that roles around follow these rules and everything will go better than expected for you or your friend.

The advantages of old furniture

My roommate and I have had these really grimey, cheap (actually free), dusty black couches since forever. Most people frown upon ugly tattered furniture, but that shit is perfect for someone like me. I remember having the munchies as a teen and eating greasy food and being caught numerous times by my friend sophia wiping my hands on her couch. I am also a fan of painting my nails while watching Desperate Housewives (or more recently Keeping up with the Kardashians), this can lead to paint splotches on the couch.


Our couches have also seen some less innocent potentially harmful activities. Marissa and I are always down for entertaining, which involves drinking ,eating and having people crash on the couches. When coed sleepovers involve lots of alcohol and( sometimes more) people are bound to hookup. Those ratty couches have been the equivalent to arose petal covered king size bed at the W for many of our drunken friends; and we didnt care, those couches were shitty.

My roommate has been lusting over grown folks furniture for years and las month she purchased her dream couches. They are fluffy and beige and one is micro fiber, my ex put it best when he looked down at the couches looked at me and said " I guess no sex on those couches" and I replied "Only hands and knees can go on that couch" Wink wink

My new blog!!!!

My friends know I like to tell crazy stories of things that happen at work (I work on 8th ave.), on the train, at bars, walking down the street, or trying to date. i figured I should share the ridiculous with everybody.
I also will include my take on stories from pop culture and random thoughts because i am a totally random, crazy person; with a lot of inappropriate thoughts and actions.
I hope you enjoy.